Get Curious NOT Judgemental!

When a client doesn’t stick to the plan, I get curious not judgemental🤔. And I want YOU to react in the exact same way towards yourself (instead of judging, shaming and beating yourself up about it!)

A client not adhering to a plan shows up as things like not hitting their calorie target, their weekly activity or their daily habits. In some way or other they aren’t doing what I’ve set them! I know from experience, clients often expect me to judge them when this happens or even tell them off, viewing them as lazy, and that they are incapable and failing! I think some of this comes from how they perceive themselves for not doing everything that I’ve asked and so expect the same reaction from me.

Just to confirm, this is not the reaction they get from me!

It would be all to easy (and in my opinion slightly useless ) to just turn around and blame the client, which is why I say I get curious not judgmental in these situations. If you have a similar reaction towards yourself then equally, it doesn’t really help the situation or help you progress. The only thing it does guarantee is making you feel pretty crap!

So what would be a better response? I’ll explain my thought process with a client and then see if you can apply a similar process to yourself.

I begin to consider questions like ;

• Why haven’t they been able to stick to what I’ve asked?
• What’s the actually reason for their lack of adherence?
• Could it be too much change too quickly and we simply need to the smaller steps?
• Is there a pattern in their behaviour that keeps occurring and needs addressing? An event that triggers it for example.
• Is there a coping mechanism linked to some of these behaviours? Emotions that perhaps need addressing and dealing with in a more constructive way
• Do I need to consider other factors like stress, lifestyle or social pressures?

These are just some of the things I will start to consider but I hope you can see that all of them open up the opportunity for progress and to find an actual solution, compared to if I simply judged them as incapable.

Getting curious and looking for solutions is what I’m here for, not blaming and judgment because someone can’t adhere to a plan that I’ve designed! So I encourage you to do the same for yourself. Start looking for solutions and ways forward and question your behaviour and current circumstances instead of just beating yourself up when things don’t go to plan. Consider things like;

• Are you expecting too much too quickly?
• Have you got an actual plan to follow?
• Have you set yourself something that’s even realistic?
• Do you actually know how to get to your goals?
• Do you need the support, knowledge and accountability of a coach?

With that being said, when I’m working with a client online, this isn’t to say that it’s all on me! The client of course needs to actually apply the advice, strategies and solutions I give them and meet me half way. And there are always times when a bit of tough love might be necessary for when they aren’t applying themselves or are getting in their own way! But it is still working together as a team and asking questions that will lead to their success, not judgement, and I encourage you to take the same approach with yourselves :)

If you would like my help working towards your goals then please click here and tell me a bit more about your current journey and see if I can support you to get there!